I think I listened to this TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert about our elusive creative genius. I was completely taken by her account and just her ability as an orator.
I mean I love the idea.
That somewhere along the creative pathway we made the creative genius part of our brains, something intrinsic. Whereas before it was considered as extrinsic to the creator.
I mean it totally makes sense.
I even felt the same feeling where I was speaking to myself and at inspiration as a being, begging inspiration to come back at another time when I had the capacity to channel it into something.
But then I thought to myself. I mean so we get inspired and we create and then we have to actually keep the determination while the motivation and initial force starts waning.
Really, what is that?
It just sounds like a night out with people you don’t like!
What if you are just addicted to inspiration
I mean. I totally feel like I might be addicted to that initial first step. That overwhelming euphoria that feels like some supernatural occurrence. That feeling of infatuation.
Sometimes it totally takes a hold and compels me to go down the rabbit hole. Spending hours just farting out new ideas.
And then taking each and every one of those ideas and basking in the glory of raw creativity and inspiration. Like Gollum did when he sat in that cave and played with the ring.
This is totally how I feel during the inspiration cycle. Like that first part just draws me in like a gateway drug. And pretty soon I am entertaining all other flights of fancy and I am so lost in thought that all structure or planning has dissolved.
I really feel like initial inspiration is addictive
Here are some common signs of addiction and how it relates to my inspiration problem (from rehabs.com),
- cravings – “when I wonder when the next inspiration wave will be.”
- physical dependence – “when I can’t do anything except wait for the next wave.”
- tolerance – “when I need more and more and more profound inspiration.”
- withdrawal symptoms – “when I feel sad or disappointed because I am not inspired.”
- poor judgement – “when I start thinking I will never write something good again. Scratch that. Rather when I feel that everything I have ever written is total shit.”
- drug-seeking – “when I start thinking that alcohol or other drugs will ‘inspire’ or trigger me.”
- financial trouble – “when I start spending money recklessly because I am angry or depressed that I am not riding the wave of inspiration”
- isolation – “when I think that if I lock myself in my room and wait it out that it will arrive or choose me again.”
These are actual symptoms of addiction. And how I actually think I feel.
It is slightly clear that I am addicted to inspiration here. I feel like human nature is pretty predictable and whether you are addicted to drugs or a feeling. The manifestation will mostly be the same.
I don’t know if this is like statistics where you can disillusion or obscure the facts. I also don’t know if it is my philosophy degree that I am applying here in a half-assed manner. Persuading myself that my flawed logic and unsound argument has proven a point.
(although I know this whole thing is built on my parallel between addiction and how I personally feel. Nevermind. I am committed to this opinion now.)
But the logic seems sound to me on this.
People can and do become addicted to inspiration.
I don’t know.
What do you think?
At least I have come out and said it. I already feel a lot better. Like I can just move on and be more aware when inspiration strikes again.